After the date, I came home and Crashed. I capitalize it for emphasis. Really, dates take pretty much everything out of me. To recover I had to sit on the couch and read a novel for eight hours. *shrug*
It is becoming more and more difficult to motivate myself to swipe on Tinder. Not only do I feel judgemental and slightly ridiculous, but I also feel increasingly apathetic. Honestly, I am surprised I haven’t swiped past every available man in Utah county by this point-it feels like I have!
Sometimes I’ll zone out and swipe past someone who I actually was interested it. Whenever that happens I always feel a strange sense of loss, almost a “what could have been” type feeling. I can’t let myself get too caught up in that though. If I had to confront and analyze every single lost opportunity I’ve ever had, I would get no rest. Much safer to ignore it.
Letting My Hair Down
One unexpected outcome I am getting from this is a sudden motivation to be more bold in real life. Being on Tinder is slowly breaking down the barriers of propriety I’ve set in place for myself, meaning that I feel more inclined to express my interest in guys I meet in my ward, job, etc. I feel slightly reckless that way. It makes me laugh-it’s an odd feeling.
It’s been a week since I started this Tinder thing, and honestly, I can’t believe I’ve been using it for such a short time. This last week has gone by faster than the wind-and I’m only halfway through my experiment!
I used to believe in love at first sight, not necessarily because I thought it was the most practical and likely thing to happen, but because love at first sight is easy. You stare at someone across the way and casually make eye contract. You hurriedly look away, but something strikes you about that person and you find yourself looking back at them. Your connection is tenuous, yet oh so real and sweet.
Romantic and possible, for those lucky enough to find it, love at first sight is not common and not any more real than love conceived under more normal circumstances.
I have come to realize that love requires more from its seekers than a vain hope that someday it will hit us in the face. Love requires time and selflessness and hope and confidence-and that is as true for people in relationships as people who are searching for relationships.
The truth is, I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of sitting around hoping love will find me. I’m tired of sitting in my proverbial castle for my Prince Charming. If he can’t find me, I will find him.
The Dates
Days seven and eight of my experiment provided me with a few interesting challenges. The most obvious is that I agreed to go on two dates on the same day only a few hours apart. That was stressful. In addition, I am now getting to a point where I’m having some really enjoyable conversations with some of these different guys over text, which I hadn’t anticipated.
My dates with Guys #2 and #3 went well. We got food for both of the dates (I had to make sure not to eat too much during the first) and just talked. I feel slightly guilty for the second date just because I don’t feel like I was 100 percent. Which is one of the reasons I am considering rescheduling second date with Guy #1 on Friday.
