Honestly ladies, I had thought my parent inlaws had caused the almost breakup of my marriage, because I was never quite what they wanted for their son. Turned out they were so angry with my h, and even moreso with her. They cant believe that the ow, their family tried to break my family. They even told my h he should be with his w. That was the first time, I saw his parents in a different light. For the better not worse, I honestly thought they would have been rejoicing. Turned out it was just the aunties, uncles and cousins that were rejoicing over my betrayal.
Carol, I’m curious, how did your father’s cheating finally play out? I am here to tell you if my parents found out I did that, especially with a five year old child, there would have been hell to pay. My parents are dead so my husband dealt with no negative consequences. I imagine my daddy would have beat his ass. I’m enjoying this train of thought, lol. No sane family would condone, much less encourage adultery. Maybe divorce if the spouse is abusive or alcoholic or something, but definitely not cheating.
Sometimes I am so angry with my H for hitting me right on the faultline, so to speak
Well, my father divorced my mother and married the woman he’d had an affair with. That marriage absolutely imploded and resulted in his death. Unfortunately, I’m not kidding. As it turned out, with hindsight, it was a very, very good thing that he was no longer living with us; let’s just say there was significant abuse in that second family, and I was sheltered from most of it because I only saw him on weekends. The whore did encourage my abuse, though, if you can believe it. Fortunately, I was a bit ornery as a child. That’s all I’ll say. ?? His parents, my grandparents and my mother’s in-laws, did wind up speaking to him again, but they were never happy with that second marriage. When my mother married my stepfather, my father’s parents – again, her former, ex-in-laws – started inviting my stepfather to family gatherings and sending him birthday cards, etc. So: I suppose my father’s life was Exhibit A for me as to what *not* to do. My grandparents gave my mother so much support that I was sometimes confused as a child as to whose parents they actually were. I learned from them how one ought to behave towards family. And from my mother, too, who was appreciative of their help and who never spoke one word against my father in my hearing. It just sucks that now I’m reliving some of this mess after my H’s EA. I know for a fact that the EA has hit me much harder because of my past; that’s something my counselor made very clear. But if I can cope with my father, my hope is that I can cope with just about anything!
They welcomed him to their family because he was the husband of their former daughter-in-law whom they loved and respected, and because he was now acting as a father to their grandchildren
C, I’ve read up on PTSD from childhood abuse and how if you suffer trauma as an adult it is magnified because of your past which can trigger the PTSD. My therapist told me it would make the betrayal and recovery much harder, too. Life is a bittersweet journey and I wish I knew why some of us seem to be continually put on the rockier path by other’s choices. Here’s a big hug and a high five to strength!
