Improve your communication skills
Studies show that commitment in a relationship may not go as far as communication. Healthily communicating with your partner can help you resolve conflicts, express emotions, and increase intimacy. Try to reevaluate how you and your partner communicate. For example, one of you might prefer in-the-moment conversation, while the other might require time to get your thoughts in order before talking. In some cases, differing attachment styles may make avgГ¶rande lГ¤nk understanding each other’s emotions and reactions difficult.
If you struggle with communication, you might benefit from couples therapy or a couples’ workshop. There may also be a communication course for couples in your area. Try an online search and see what comes up.
Talk to a therapist
Some individuals may believe that pursuing couples therapy means a relationship must end or that there is no hope. However, reaching out for support can be brave and may help you make changes. Studies show that 70% of couples who tried couples therapy found improvements in their relationship up to three years after their first session.
A therapist can help you and your significant other learn new skills to improve your relationship. They can facilitate conversations within a safe and monitored environment if you struggle with communication. These skills may help you re-ignite your spark and feel intimate and close.
If you and your partner are busy with work, family life, or other responsibilities, you can also try couples therapy online. A meta-analysis of nine studies found that emotionally focused couples therapy resulted in sustained improvements in marital satisfaction. If you feel couples therapy could help you reconnect with your partner, you can try an online platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.
Online therapy can be flexible, so you can arrange couples’ sessions according to your mutual availability or pursue individual therapy on your own time. If you’re uncomfortable with therapy or don’t know what to expect, you can also start in live chat sessions and move into phone or video chat sessions as you feel comfortable.
Counselor reviews
I have had my first few appointments with Karen. I find these to be most helpful and supportive. Her expertise has moved me to clarity and has been a good sounding board for me. I feel like I’m finally getting unstuck in my marriage.
I’ve never had counseling before so I don’t have a base to compare, but I will say that I do feel like Christi hears me, and gives me practical ways to deal with my emotions and/or gives me ideas on ways to solve my problems. She always asks for clarification before giving me a response when talking about big issues, and she is always respectful and engaged with what I have to say. I would recommend her to others in need of therapy.
Takeaway
You can try a few things if you feel that the spark has gone from your relationship. First, focus on the little things, like leaving each other love notes, reminiscing over happy memories, or planning dates. Plan a fun vacation to have some quality time together, and put your relationship high on your priority list. These are things that many couples may be very good at during the beginning of their relationship, but that may be lost over the years.
When you spend years with your true love, someone may be bound to make a mistake. Arguments can be a natural part of a long-term, committed, healthy relationship. If you hope to get the spark back, try forgiving your partner for any feelings you have that are lingering from the past. If there’s something that you have done in the past to hurt your partner, apologizing can improve your connection. (Please note that this does not apply to abuse. If you are experiencing abuse of any kind, please see our Get Help Now page for resources.)
